On Bainbridge Island

by , under Fiction Prompts, Friday Fictioneers

“Are you done crying?” he says.

“For now,” she says.

In the back, Suzy sleeps fitful in her car seat.  He watches the tiny face in the rearview, the red stain of the taffy covering her cheeks like a rash.

“I don’t think giving her sugar is such a good idea,” he says.

“I’m sure you don’t,” she says, smearing her index finger down the window, trailing the raindrops outside. “Even if it was your idea,” she adds, almost under her breath.

The line of waiting cars inches forward. “Jesus, this is taking forever,” he mutters. “We’ll never get home.”

 

 

Friday Fictioneers

  1. Joy Pixley

    Wow. Great “moment in the life of” that speaks so well to those little, deadly tensions in a relationship gone sour. Nice visuals of the rain on the window and the messy child’s face.

    Reply
  2. rochellewisoff

    Dear Josh,

    You set the scene well. I could hear the rain pelting the roof and feel the tension mount between them. (I think you might want to add an ‘ly’ to the end of fitful.) Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
  3. Lynn Love

    Just a lovely piece of writing. You so captured that low level tension, that undercurrent of friction bubbling between them. Love that we came in after the fireworks, just witness to the embers of the argument. Wonderful stuff Josh

    Reply
  4. Dale

    Oh man… I think I’ve had a drive or two like that. Portrayed so well those moments of a relationship that are not so rosy.

    Reply
  5. tedstrutz

    What do you mean ‘Bainbridge Island’??? This is Friday Harbor. :) Seattle gets the new ferry boats. Nice story, we’ve all been there.

    Reply
  6. Rowena

    I’d say this is a pretty normal drive for couple with kids. You captured that sense really well and the desperation to get out of the car and run far, run fast, and yet you’re stuck.
    Well done.
    xx Rowena

    Reply
  7. JS Brand

    Ooer … let’s hope poor little Suzy isn’t taking in enough of this to shape her own future approach to relationships. A good story and VERY realistic.

    Reply
  8. Michael Wynn

    Nicely shown, I like the understated way you reveal the tension between them and you’ve captured it exactly as I’ve seen and heard it.

    Reply
  9. Sarah Ann

    So good. The tension between this pair is tangible. It’ll be straight to bed when they get home, a pillow slid between them.

    Reply

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