Only the pain was real. His daddy standing over him wasn’t, dead years gone, dead of some fool accident that made this one look minor.
Yeah, minor. He laughed, more of the pain arriving along with the laugh. He wondered again why he didn’t bleed out. There was blood enough, clinging cold on what was left of his pants.
Other side of the tracks, right where he’d been standing, he could still see his shoe. He’d never really seen his shoe before from that angle, at least not with his foot still in it.
He lay back and tried not to move.
Horrifyingly graphic. I could just picture that. Well done.
Ow, This is so well told, it makes me squirm in sympathy. Poor kid, the dead father’s presence gives it a great touch.
Stunning piece. Gripping, terrifying and haunting.
What a terrible calm.
Good piece.
Nicely written. The scene becomes horribly clear.
So vivid and real, a gripping story.
Ouch! Interesting what trauma can do to the mind. Well written.
Ouch!
Sad…Well written!
Ouch, I love the image of the shoe and the way you build this up. Very powerfully written.
Interesting. Makes me wonder if I’m reading it the way you were thinking it. Is the kid dead and doesn’t know he is?
Dead or dying. Seeing his father might be part of it.
Very Moving Story
Creepy! In my world, that severed foot will begin moving, soon…
Jumping.
Dear J,
This was well written, graphic without overdoing it and very subtle in the way you placed us in the moment and in the mind of the protagonist. Good job.
Aloha,
Doug
Oh wow, that was gruesome. :/
Oh lordy lordy! That’s grim!
*Shiver*
Definitely not a case of opening his mouth to change his feet.
Ugh.
Yikes!
Graphic and painful. You made my stomach clinch and I was reaching for a tourniquet.
Be well,
Tracey
A sad but a very well written story that conjured many vivid images. I enjoyed the short sentences, for they give a great presence to the story and made me think I was there with him.
The narrative viewpoint here is amazing. I love the inner dialogue – the questioning about what’s happening, the observation of his foot and shoe and how that takes us back to the moment before the accident, the visions of his dead father ….. And the title is perfect.
Dear J Hardy,
You painted a picture I can’t unsee. Graphic without being overdone. Well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
oooh, what ideas can spring from those 100 words. I feel like you need to tell us what happened in a longer story :)