Time for Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers prompt. It’s a cool exercise in flash fiction. You take the picture below and write a hundred words about it. It makes a great palette cleanser for the bloated writing brain.
Click the frog link at the end to read the others. I’ve seen some really good examples lately.
“Pard? You awake?”
Jaleen was always asking them sort of questions. I kept my eyes tight shut and waited for the next one.
“Because I was wondering, that’s all.”
I rolled over and curled up. She knowed I was awake now, but none too happy about it. We had signals like that between us. Saved a lot of unnecessary talk. I didn’t say nothing, just waited for the next question.
“Where do you think them trains go? Why they go so fast? And what’s in them cars? They look like jails.”
Well, she had me there. They did look so.
Dear J Hardy,
Intriguing conversation. I’m guessing she’s the girl and he’s the dog. Nice pleasant tail…tale.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Fantastic dialogue, and love the voice of the dog. Brilliant. My favourite so far this week.
What a wonderful conversation.. love the voice of the dog.. :-)
I read it the other way. I think she’s the one asking questions. The dog simply ruminates on what she says. Good one
I love this, beautifully described relationship.
Whichever way we read the partnership, it works, and you described it wonderfully.
janet
Another aspect of the story is revealed if I change the cadence and the names.
“Karl Have you woken?”
These questions were typical of Inga. My eyes I kept closed, though I knew she would continue to ask me more.
“It is only that I am curious, Karl.”
Still I pretended to sleep, but I knew she was not deceived. She could tell also I was not pleased. We had many such signals between us, so speech was seldom required.
“These trains. Where do they go? And why so fast? What cargo might they carry, with bars on all the windows? They look like prisons.”
Even I could see she was correct. They did indeed.
That was what intrigued me so about the first take, I like where you took it here.
I especially like the dog’s voice in the first, but this other version is thick with dark implications.
Well done, J. Hardy.
A dark image of dark trains, so innocently presented.
Great capture of the characters with the choice of dialogue.
Hardy,
I like the first run best–the informal speech rings true. Nice job.
MG
Wonderful dialogue. And I guess they do look like jail, a little bit.
Loved the dialogue and the voices.
Great voices in this piece.
Aloha,
Doug
Just hopping around to read a few entries. I’m a newbie.
Fun dialog and very nicely written. : )
What a great piece, Hardy. I like the dialect and Pard’s character – so laid back and certain until the end.
Ellespeth