“Hello?”
“It’s Jim.”
“I almost didn’t pick up. What’s this number?”
“Pay phone.”
“I didn’t know they still had those.”
“It’s at a rest stop on I-35. Lost my cell phone. Long story.”
“I bet.”
“So what’s happening? You at the hospital?”
“No. Not anymore.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, brother. You missed it. You’re too late.”
“When?”
“This morning. The nurse found him.”
“Found him? Aren’t they supposed to know right away?”
“Mom gave the DNR order last night.”
“DNR?”
“Do not resuscitate.”
“Shit.”
“Would have been nice if his son had been there.”
“I’ve been driving all night.”
“I bet.”
Being too late is always a poignant theme
The way this unfolds is lovely and tragic.
Dear Josh,
No need of explanation. The unfolding dialogue tells it all. Sharp. Concise. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks! Every so often I try to do something that’s all dialog. I tried to give the reader a sense of the relationship of these two characters and the history between them. Tough to do without telling. I’m glad you like it.
Those two “I bet”‘s say so much about her opinion of her brother, and his past behavior. All you needed was the dialogue, too (which can be hard to pull off, I know). Expertly done.
A regret he’ll carry for the rest of his life. Great dialogue.
Oh I get a really good sense of their relationship. Well done.
Beautiful! Jim might have been untrustworthy before, but I get the feeling he has turned a new leaf or at least wants to. Not that his sister feels the same way. Powerful dialogues – the two ‘I bet’s really captures the mood here. Expertly done, JHC. Cheers, Varad
I agree with those above. You totally get the sense of the relationship here. Very well done, as per usual, sir!
Nicely written scene. Sad, but it sounds like not unexpected.
The dialogue tells us all we need to now about their relationship. Excellent
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No love lost between those siblings!
As always, I’m amazed at the variety of ideas these prompts generate. This one is very believable.
Really convincing. I’d love to read the dialogue that comes out when they meet up.
Difficult to ‘like’ this one. These siblings clearly have the same problem. Great use of dialogue telling the immediate story and of their relationship.
The prodigal son returns and the welcome isn’t warm.
Great dialogue, says everything without telling — you just know there’s a long sour family history behind this scene.
As you say, dialogue is difficult. You really make it work for you here. Well done!
it’s sad when this kind of situation happens.
The short concise dialogues are enough to bring out the family picture. great story-telling.
http://ideasolsi65.blogspot.in/2017/07/the-sunday-call.html
Lots of issues going on here. You’ve hinted at them well.
Family dynamics come through with the dialogue. Nicely done.
This is so painful to read, brilliant writing, perfect dialogue. And thank you for the picture.
You’re welcome, and thanks for reading!