Dominick walked back from the road, hands in pockets.
“You see him?” asked Tony, already knowing the answer.
“He’ll be here. Don’t you worry, little brother. When has he ever not showed up after practice?”
Tony stared at his sneakers, wanting to ask when has he ever been on time? but instead saying “I’m hungry.”
“Ma will have dinner waiting for us. You’ll see.”
It grew darker and darker. At first Tony would stand up when he saw distant headlights, but after a while he just sat and stared at the ground.
“He’ll be here,” said Dominick in an almost-whisper.
That was so sad! I could see them waiting and waiting in vain. You’ve captured their lives in so few words.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
You captured the resigned hopelessness well
I’ve had times when I waited hopefully and anxiously.
I feel for them. When it happened to me, I started walking. Got yelled at for it, but at least it’s something proactive.
Oh no, this won’t end well. Such ominous tension. And beneath it, such an ache.
Dear Josh,
I felt for the boy. So hard to wait on someone who’s unreliable. Love where the prompt took you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Is it their Dad they’re waiting for? I know several parents like this – they always turn up eventually, but man, they make their kids wait. So well told, with a great tone, great dialogue, great pace.
I don’t sense a happy ending here. You’ve left it perfectly, without tying up the loose ends, leaving us to imagine our own. So sad, but sadly real.
So very sad… how often children have to wait for that parent who one day, doesn’t show up at all.
Well done, sir.
Tremendously moving. I like the contrast between one boy’s confidence and the other one’s cynicism. Beautifully done.
Yeah, that’s how people wait. I wonder what Ma will say when the boys arrive late – and whether she’ll do anything to try to find them.
Poor little boys – their dad will always let them down.
Time for both of them to learn there are limits to waiting even with high hopes and great love.
Randy
I saw this as the boys waiting for a brother. After reading other comments, I can also see them waiting for Dad. Nicely done.
Very perceptive description of waiting.Well written story.
This is very emotive. Definitely pulls at the heartstrings. And you’re left with so many questions too.
You’ve captured the hope and the gradual dawning that the hope is misplaced. Very sad.
You brought out the hope, followed by the pathos, perfectly.
Dominick is a good older brother trying to keep his brother from worrying.
Such sadness in so few words. I feel for the two brothers, waiting, hopeful to hopeless. Great story.
Echoing others’ comments… you capture the emotion, the scene and the back story perfectly in so few words. Great writing
We all wish to be hopeful until we can no longer be so. A well-written scene of desperate hope.
Find the kids’ sense of resignation really poignant.