Friday Fictoneers for this week is a tough one. I stood staring at the picture of the Keck Observatory for a long time.
The colonel’s blotchy face turned salt white as he watched the screen.
“Jesus,” he whispered. “Are you sure this is real?”
“Absolutely certain, Colonel. We wouldn’t have enacted the protocol if we weren’t. Both of the telescopes have been tracking it for months. Last night we were able to confirm it.”
“Jesus,” said the colonel again.
“I don’t mean to pry, Colonel, but what now? The protocol only specifies that upon confirmation we notify your office. After that—”
“After that is classified, Doctor.” His jaw was hard, but the eyes looked mealy, soft with ensuing panic. “You can trust your government.’
“you can trust your government” – I’m sure this wasn’t intended to be a comic piece. :-)
I like the tension JHC.
Somehow I don’t think the government can be trusted in this piece. Great tension-building.
Oh, this is good! I really enjoyed your story, but that last line…it sends shivers down my spine.
Somehow I don’t think you can. Very sinister, leaving a lot to the imagination.
“Soft with ensuing panic” interesting phrase. I like it and I like your work.
Tracey
I’m not sure we can trust thhis government. The last line leaves tells a lot yet leaves a lot to imagination. Well done.
Great story with a very scary ending…oh, sure, we can trust the government…
great story –
all I can say is “HA”
Randy
Thanks!
Yeah, this doesn’t leave me feeling very trusting.
Dear J Hardy,
The last line is chilling. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Don’t trust the government! Great work!
Anytime it’s said to trust the government it raises my deepest sense of distrust.
Run. Very fast.
Asteroid coming in, or maybe Aliens? Sure, keep the public in the dark… Great story, the details are perfect.
Great writing- the meaning in that last line… Lovely
KT
I like the story but what I like even more is the way you paint this character with the tiniest amount of telling detail and trust the reader to fill in the rest.
(It’s what Jane Austen does and I think why we love her characters – because we partly create them. Now there’s a theory and don’t expect that you set out to be compared to Jane Austen!)