Friends, it’s the Friday Fictioneers flash fiction– following the featured photo.
“What’s back there? Behind the house?”
Watching her face, I could see what Clifton meant when he said she was shifty. For the tiniest second she scowled at us, then smoothed it away in that realtor’s smile.
“I think it was a barbecue the former owners installed.”
“It’s covered in moss,” said Clifton. “I think it’s a lot older than the house. And isn’t it odd the fountain would be so close?”
The realtor made a fuss of leafing through the listing. “Well, there’s nothing in here about the fountain.”
Little Jordy slipped my hand and ran out to look.
That’s great, but I’m worried about little Jordy. You’ve captured a lot of intrigue and more in those 100 words. Marvelous, as always.
I picture a cold white hand reaching out to pull little Jordy into the murky water.
Or perhaps it’s a body that only he can see.
Lots of possibilities, none of them nice ;-)
Dear J Hardy,
This feels like the beginning of a larger story. I, too, am concerned about little Jordy. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Seems like the beginning of a Hammer Horror script. I’m itching at the pregnant possibility.
This place would be irresistible for any kid… and that may just be the intention of the place. This is so full of possibilities…
A mystery for someone to solve. I suspect there’s much going on behind this house. Like others have said, nice hook for a longer story (or a follow-up sometime).
Oh dear, I sense it’s all going downhill from here. Full marks for a cliff-hanger of an opening.
Oh, sinister…I like it, like it a lot!
I sense something more menacing than just a shifty realtor. But just that can be bad enough.
janet
Either the Realtor is thick as a brick (and shifty) or there are sinister things going on…
The homeowner’s insurance will be a fortune… lots more for what are deemed “attractive hazards.” Don’t just stand there, go get Jordy back, if you can. Well done.
Arg. Left dangling waiting for closure. Fie on you, author. Fie.
I think the reader can write a better ending than I ever would ;-)
I couldn’t work out why a fountain would be so close to what seemed like the wall of a kitchen…so I just ignored it :-) Congrats for tying both parts of the picture together.
Reminds me too much of the ponds on our property when my children will tiny and the fear I had all the time. I hope little Jordie has quick parents!
Nice bringing in the present with the past…or, vise versa.
No sale here, methinks
Randy
Dear Jordy,
Don’t go into the fountain… Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
Oooh, I fear for little Jordy. Very well told
Quite sinister and creepy. I have this mental image of Jordy spotting something horrible in the water.
Dear Hardy,
I like the way you tell this one. That realtor is either hiding something or pretty bad at her job. You leave us with just the right amount of mystery.
All my best,
Marie Gail
The mystery fountain, what a great story! I agree with everyone, it does feel like it’s just the point of the iceberg. Awesome job!
An intriguing story. Gripping. I want to know more.
The fun is just about to start I think. I like the characterisation and dialogue. :)