We went down the steel stairs, down and down.
“With these levers, you can control the whole hospital.” He burst out with a braying laugh. “I’m kidding. I have no idea what they do. In here, now.”
He opened a door leading off the corridor. The room was dark and clean-smelling.
“Can we turn on the lights?” I said. “How can I see it in the dark?”
I heard him turn the lock, put the keys in his pocket. “You don’t need to see it.”
“I really want to.”
Later I saw that what I wanted was never part of it.
I got such a clear picture of the weirdo taking him down there… “the braying laugh” is such an evocative phrase telling you more than you needed to know about him.
Not sure I’m getting that last line – is there a typo in it? Maybe I’m just a bit dense this morning.
Ah, yes indeed! A missing word. Thanks!
OMG, that really finished it off. Well done.
Dear J.H.C. (Hmm, great initials.)
Was it the last thing he saw? This was a well crafted descent into madness. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
Dear J Hardy,
A well written suffocating ending to a dark story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks!
Nice and creepy!
You have created a rather nasty character here. Worth building something more substantial around him?
Very creepy. That first bit of dialogue about the levers – his joke – was so realistic. A great piece of writing.
Seconding the votes for creepy and nasty — gave me shivers!
Oooh I’m dying to know what happens with this character. Maybe “dying” is the wrong word…!
I was scared at braying laugh!
Midway through the tale I wanted to shout: run, run as fast as you can…
My curiosity is well and truly piqued!
Gosh! That was stomach-churning :(
That last line is a killer. Great story.
Definitely the stuff of nightmares.
What he wanted was never part of it. Ooh, nice finish. Very mysterious and creepy.
Very scary, and the way the tension builds is great. Like Björn, I wanted to shout, ‘Run!’
Great cliffhanger!
Indeed, a captivating piece of writing :)
Nice and creepy! Good job, I’m officially scared.
Very good. What a fool she was to go in there with him. Great ending.