They said it was the law that turned him out of the house.
They lied, saying he could have stayed if it was up to them.
They didn’t exactly blame him for her death.
They just didn’t want him around as a reminder of her decline.
He blamed himself, of course.
For a while he drifted up the coast, working odd jobs, staying a week or a month.
He sent postcards every so often.
A cannery in Monterey, a trawler in Moss Harbor.
A sailor saw him in an opium den in San Francisco.
That was the last anyone heard.
The list of poscards was clever
A full tale of decline and fall, nicely done. I’m a bit confused about the opening three of lines – if it was up to them he could’ve stayed, but then it was them that didn’t want him around as a reminder – not quite sure who wants him to stay and who wants him to go?
Dear Josh,
That was at least a novella in 10 words. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Wonder if he is alive.
Great story!
A little bit confused with the theys and thems in the first few lines. The last part of the story was excellent.
Interesting that he sent postcards home. I’d have thought if he’d been turned out, he’d stop letting people know where he was…unless he was hoping for reconciliation.
The sadness is tangible. Well done.
I love the mood – so melancholy. Very well written. :o)
At the very time he most needed his family, they turned on him. A tragedy, and a needless one.
Some comments have mentioned confusion from the repetition of ‘They’. It’s not confusing, though. ‘They’ always refers to his family, and it tolls like a great bell of mourning – jolly good writing in my opinion, and a really risky trick when you’ve only got 100 words to play with!
Well written, Josh!
I agre with pennygadd51,
A sad decline of a life, abandoned by his family.
So much more I want to know – which is what good writing is all about! The only thing I didn’t get was the link to the photo prompt – but I enjoyed the story.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
The list of postcards showed the passage of time so well. Kudos! What a sad, sad end.
The sad tale has been written wonderfully. Lots left to the reader’s imagination.
SAd to be parted from the family home, just when he needed stability. But perhaps his decline was inevitable after she’d gone. I wonder, was he a little to blame? Perhaps that’s why he vanishes into that opium den. Nicely done Josh
Poor man. I do sympathize with him. That they would turn him out on a rather flimsy excuse!
An opium den will do it every time. There will always be heartless people around. Great story – well,l thought out – you are excellent at this writing thing! I truly mean this.