Stuart ordered a cup of coffee. He poured cream into it and stirred it in. He swiveled his stool part way around to keep an eye on the building across the street. The man sitting next to him was eating a donut, breaking it in half and dunking one of the halves into the coffee, biting off the dunked part. Stuart thought the donut looked good, so he ordered one and ate it the same way.
A large clock with luminous hands hung on the wall. A motto was painted on the clock in luminous block letters: TIME TO EAT.
This is an excerpt from an unpublished short story Quality Time Pieces. I’ve written four stories with Stuart Dulley as the central character. A quiet and often ineffective young man, Stuart nonetheless gets caught up in the tide of history and winds up somehow joining the Marines, fighting on Guadalcanal, and even earning a couple decorations. He’s a strange guy to write about, since his personality is so subtle. This snippet is very much in the style of all the stories.
If you’re interested in the full piece, you can download a PDF here.
I love the style of this. And the intrigue…why is he watching the building.
Thanks, Claire! If you have a spare twenty minutes you can find out by reading the whole story! ;-)
Say, we’d love to have you contribute to What Pegman Saw sometime. It’s a 150 word story prompted by a Google Street View photo of your choice. http://whatpegmansaw.com.
Yes, Claire, join us!!! It’s gobs of fun.
Dear Josh,
I’m intrigued by Stuart. From the excerpt and explanation, he sounds a little Forrest Gumpish. At any rate, I’ve downloaded the full story. Good writing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks! Hope you enjoy it.
This was intriguing, but I wanted a whole story
Well, you can have it!
I find ineffective to be intriguing. I wonder what makes him step over that personality quality to be the man?
More random chance than anything. He’s a bystander in his own life, but somehow people like to engage him.
Very interesting man, i should say. At times the essence is in the simplicity. Good writing as usual Hardy.
Love this little snippet of personality here, the subtle set up and character build. Lovely stuff, Josh
Thanks!
My pleasure :)
Simple and effective scene.
I love eating in traditional American dinners. Next time I will try dunking a donut !
I can just picture that all too well. A lovely glimpse into diner life.
I really like the simplicity in this story which surely hides some darkness to come.
A great scene-setter. NIce one.
Click to read my Friday Fiction
The power of suggestion in that donut dunking struck a chord!
I’m guessing it’s donut time?
The footnote puts the story into better perspective but honestly, even without it it’s not bad as a standalone flash. It’s more a snapshot of a few seconds in time rather than a standard narrative and I thought that was kind of cool.
Thanks. That’s why I chose this passage. It’s sort of a story within a story
Intriguing snippet. He seems to be a character who lets outside influences lead him onto the next thing. Sort of not needing to think for himself and then there’s the watching of the building across the street. Very interesting.
Nice snapshot of a scene.