You Can’t Go Back

by , under Fiction Prompts, Friday Fictioneers

 

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Only the pain was real. His daddy standing over him wasn’t, dead years gone, dead of some fool accident  that made this one look minor.

Yeah, minor. He laughed, more of the pain arriving along with the laugh. He wondered again why he didn’t bleed out. There was blood enough, clinging cold on what was left of his pants.

Other side of the tracks, right where he’d been standing, he could still see his shoe. He’d never really seen his shoe before from that angle, at least not with his foot still in it.

He lay back and tried not to move.

 

 

 

  1. gahlearner

    Ow, This is so well told, it makes me squirm in sympathy. Poor kid, the dead father’s presence gives it a great touch.

    Reply
  2. dmmacilroy

    Dear J,

    This was well written, graphic without overdoing it and very subtle in the way you placed us in the moment and in the mind of the protagonist. Good job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Reply
  3. Francesca Smith

    A sad but a very well written story that conjured many vivid images. I enjoyed the short sentences, for they give a great presence to the story and made me think I was there with him.

    Reply
  4. Margaret Leggatt

    The narrative viewpoint here is amazing. I love the inner dialogue – the questioning about what’s happening, the observation of his foot and shoe and how that takes us back to the moment before the accident, the visions of his dead father ….. And the title is perfect.

    Reply

Don't just stand there.