Where Them Trains Go? Friday Fictioneers

by , under Fiction Prompts, Flash Fiction

Time for Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers prompt. It’s a cool exercise in flash fiction. You take the picture below and write a hundred words about it. It makes a great palette cleanser for the bloated writing brain.

Click the frog link at the end to read the others. I’ve seen some really good examples lately.

©Dawn_Landau

 

“Pard? You awake?”

Jaleen was always asking them sort of questions. I kept my eyes tight shut and waited for the next one.

“Because I was wondering, that’s all.”

I rolled over and curled up. She knowed I was awake now, but none too happy about it.  We had signals like that between us. Saved a lot of unnecessary talk. I didn’t say nothing, just waited for the next question.

“Where do you think them trains go? Why they go so fast? And what’s in them cars? They look like jails.”

Well, she had me there. They did look so.

 

  1. J Hardy Carroll

    Another aspect of the story is revealed if I change the cadence and the names.

    “Karl Have you woken?”

    These questions were typical of Inga. My eyes I kept closed, though I knew she would continue to ask me more.

    “It is only that I am curious, Karl.”

    Still I pretended to sleep, but I knew she was not deceived. She could tell also I was not pleased. We had many such signals between us, so speech was seldom required.

    “These trains. Where do they go? And why so fast? What cargo might they carry, with bars on all the windows? They look like prisons.”

    Even I could see she was correct. They did indeed.

    Reply
    • karen rawson

      That was what intrigued me so about the first take, I like where you took it here.

      I especially like the dog’s voice in the first, but this other version is thick with dark implications.

      Well done, J. Hardy.

      Reply
  2. Ellespeth

    What a great piece, Hardy. I like the dialect and Pard’s character – so laid back and certain until the end.
    Ellespeth

    Reply

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