You know the drill. You’re late. You drop your egg into the pan and ruin breakfast, spill your coffee.
You ask the question. You know the question I mean.
Why MEEEEE???
Who the hell knows? Maybe there’s a lesson in it. Maybe it’s random. Maybe there’s a Loving Divine All-Powerful All-Knowing Supreme Being who really likes to fuck with you.
Maybe it’s a toolbox. Build something from the disaster.
Take, for example, my ear buds. I have these great Grain Audio ear buds. Love them. Best 99 bucks I ever spent. I listen to music, audio books, everything. They’re comfortable and sound great. They even come with a snappy little pouch.
But the problem is that whenever I set them down, they tangle. And not just tangle. They turn into a fucking Matthew Walker Knot.
Why? Why? I just set the damned things on the desk. If I spend twenty minutes I couldn’t make them tangle that much. It’s like when Goofy is a Vaquero and throws a bola around the legs of an ostrich.
WHY MEEEE?
I got to thinking about this. I looked into it. Entropy. Why do cords always, always tangle?
There is a reason. A long, long, boring reason. And when I see long boring shit, I try to write a poem about it. You know, because of… I don’t know. Gluten.
So here’s the goddamned poem. I almost lost this one when I accidentally deleted my entire poetry database, but it turns out I had emailed it and still had a version. Sometimes catastrophes can be avoided.
Enjoy
Spontaneous Knotting of an Agitated String
A measure of knot complexity
is the number of minimum
crossings that must occur
when a knot is viewed
as a two-dimensional
projection
According to calculation
(yours, or anyone’s)
there are more tangled states than untangled
states. Thousands at least, when you shove
your headphones into your pocket
ready, now , to listen
It took nothing for your cord
which is just another string
to achieve a tangled state
though you do not know it yet.
Entropy unnoticed
until, five seconds later
A string can be knotted
in many possible ways,
and a primary concern
of knot theory is to formally distinguish
and classify
all possible knots.
Oh how you swore, pulling
as you picked the twisted wires
with your fingertips
from the pocket
of your too-tight pants
worn by people half your age
you act like
it’s a personal affront
this tangled inconvenience
how can something so simple
so quickly turn
into such a fucking mess
96% of all knots formed as known prime knots
having minimum crossing numbers
ranging from 3 to 11.
The prevalence of prime knots
is rather surprising,
because they are not
the only possible type of knot.
You succeed, finally
cram your fingers
deep in your ears
the tiny speakers
full of all that music
the soundtrack only you hear
I watch you leave
watch the floor
where your shadow was
I know you absolutely
are right or wrong. Everything is
personal or nothing is.
Italicized text copyright 2007 Dorian M. Raymer and Douglas E. Smith
My child bride bought me the “Dr. Dre” headphone buds. I’m not a rap music fan but they are fantastic for sending CSN and Jackson Browne into the writing pool betwen the buds. They even do a solid to Stevie Ray Vaughn and Clapton but those guitars would sound good coming through an old 60’s transistor radio.
They don’t seem to tangle too badly. If they are reluctant to come apart I just shout, “Run! Biggie Smalls’ crew comin’ down the hall!” and they seem to just drop into place.